Mes Réflexions

Starbucks Stalkers and Nipple Licking

2008-07-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

Soooo..... I deff just came back from the best week of my life! Not because iw ent to some exotic place...but because of the people i was with and the places we went we made fun..so heres a lengthy recap =]

Wednesday 7/2
I got to Melrose Park around 430, and went to my distant cousin Kari's house, picked her up and went to the place i was crashing, my aunts..went to McD's before going to pick up Alex and Lupe from their uncle's(they came to visit from florida, and the reason i was up there) We med up and then ate there cause the bitches insisted...then we left and went to starbucks where i met a stalker...yay! He recognized my moon monky junky shirt, and knew where i lived..CREEPER! then he gave me his card,and kept giving me toothy grins... weird! afterwards we went to see Hancock...which was pretty good..and then we went home around 1am..fun start of the weekend.

Thursday 7/3
Started out at 10am, we went to breakfast at Denny's,we played kari's game Cat Guts..and had fun there..Kari, Lupe, Alex, Kristie (their cousin) and I... Then we went to Woodfield where we did some shopping and when we came back we went to a park to walk arounf...which was pretty fun, we stared people down and the like...then we went to kari's house with a movie and ordered a monster sized pizza from which there was nothing left! We ended it like at 130ish...and then came Friday

Friday 7/4
We woke up like at 8 and got together to go to Chicago...we got to the chi like at 10 after the first and most fun train ride ive ever had of 15min..out of 2. We got there and almost immediately got lost cause of bad directions to the Water Tower Place...we stopped at Starbucks and hung around for an hour, then continued walking down to the Magnificent Mile...we went to the mall where we ate..and the Hersheys Store!!!!!After Eating we walked to the beach, navy pier and millenium park...then before we came home for fireworks, the Art Institute of Chicago..which was AWESOME!!! We got to Bensenville for fireworks, then went to Alex and Lupes uncles house for a bonfire...FUN!

Saturday 7/5
Sooo I had to go to church for a Quinceñera, but afterwards Kari and I went to Alex's uncles's place, where we spend like 6 hours just foolin around, talking, and playing truth or dare..which came at a heavy price for me, the rules being u had 3 dares and 3 truths, and whoever spun and the pointer was at u, they had to dare or truth u..well my dares were 1.chug 2 liters of coke...so i did 2. Give Kari a lapdance..so i did and its on video.. and 3. Suck Alex's nipple...so i did...what fun is truth or dare if u cant go all out? But there was a lot of licking and sucking in that game..we had fun. Then we went to Elmhurst to have coldstone and Jamba Juice at around 10-11, and afterwards Los Comales, then we went to Kari's house and played with the Tarot Cards...and that was a lot of fun..bullshiting things to sound real is fun =]...We got home around 3AM,

Sunday 7/6
Kari and I went to Oakbrook Mall together around 3pm...we got a late start to go get Alex a Build-a-Bear, since theyre going out. We then got together, and just chilled before going to the Forest Preserve, where weirdly enough some guy with a boa constrictor was walking around and we all got pictures with it, then unfortunately i had to drive them home and say our goodbyes which was really sad...alex and i had a last little tlak, and i left home..unfortunately...now im back to a shitty town, and times that wont be half as fun as this weekend...

Brownies, Willpower, and Jogging

2008-06-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

Soo busy busy day...not really though
I finally came up with a workout plan and diet to go with it. Im doing something cause whining is only going to make my jaw muscles better, not my whole body. I hope it starts to work soon, and i start shedding off some weight so ican be healthier, but only time will tell. But more importantly i learned a valuable lesson today at church, i dont care for it much, but im sure i should use it, and could, when i realize it applies to me.

We learned at Manteno Church of the Nazarene about the story of jesus picking his disciples, and how the disciples put everything they were doing, left it, and followed christ.But he went on to say that it doesnt have to be something like a job, or an activity thats keeping you from following Jesus, it can be something like Arrogance, Pride, and stuff like that. and it blew me away cause i know people who shouldve listened to that. and changed from it.

Personally, i think i know how it applies to me, cause im not perfect. I think something that i should let go to better follow Jesus, is my love for the world, the world intrigues me, i love it..and its like what 99% of the bible is against. I mean i love Jesus dont get me wrong, but I still think if were supposed to love everyone, the 2 can coexist..but i see my error there too.. cause were supposed to love everyone, even the people of "the world" but not partake in its sins..but anyways...i also think i need to judge less...like a lot less....noticing hypocrisy in everything only makes me stay away from Jesus, but maybe thats what i want... according to John 3:16 ( cheap shot i know) i did my part and am going to heaven....but is that it? i personally think theres a catch, likw be good, heplp others, no drinking, cussing, love, 10 commandments and stuff...but i need some kin of pleasure, and at least i admit my fault unlike other people...i know im working through it, im finding alternatives to my sins, but i dont think God would condemn me to hell for sinning, because i took his Son into my life, and i believe in him. He extends grace,, and im not abusing of it, even though it sounds like it, but like he does, and he know i love him, so is there really anything else that matters?

We'll see as i keep praying...
Pray for those in the outvoted purgatory =]

Really Quick

2008-06-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let know the few who read this, umm...

let me know what you think lfed1190@comcast.net is my email

do it anonimously or not idc but id like to hear my faults, your thoughts..even though i said i didnt care in my first one what i meant is that i dont care if you say stuff about what i say..like were all entitled to our own opinion and it should stay that way...unless your wrong lol

Get Smart, I-55, Woodfield, and McChickens

2008-06-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...
Busy day... here's a quick rerun of my day..not that it matters
Sleep till 1
Get ready
woodfield mall till 7
my cousins house
see Get Smart with her
get home at 130am
here now

Fuuun day...but its always these days that make me sadder than most.
Probably since i went to the mall
I LOVE the mall...not northfield, but bigger better ones...there's just one thing
Ive always had a thin with self-image, and i know it sounds lame, cliche, and unimportant, and to a certain extent, there is waaaaaaaaaay more important things to worry about, and i do worry about other things a lot more, but it doesnt change the fact that i dont like the way i look.
amongst other things i cant write here for fear of ppl finding out, (thanks abby for the journal) there this thing with me where even though i know clothes dont define your personality, or how u act/are/feel/ etc. they say a lot about a person.
like, whether you take care of yourself or not, whether you have taste, if you are approachable or not, what you like, what kind of music you are into, it says a lot of things, so for me its very difficult because i have a hard time with the things behind those meanings like, i dont care who you are, chances are your clothes will suggest what social group you are in, and that being said...i dont exactly belong to a specific group
like at church i have a group, at school another, during the summer a few, then theres my cousins, and like theres a few, but ive never felt like i trully belonged in any of them. i think its sad like in every single group im in i get in and i may seem comfortable, and i'll love the people to death, dont get me wrong, but i still never feel complete...and i think thats because i have a hard time keeping friendships..like sort of
like ill have friends for a long time..and they usually just fade away, and its sad, and it happens over and over and over again, and i mean im used to it, but it kinda sucks because i dont exactly have some of the memories that others have, and i dont know how i got from clothes to this point but ill keep going... and like people who have been friends since like first grade, or even like middle school, ive never really had that because ive always moved around and its kinda sad to me...because i wish i had. Maybe its the tv thing tainting my perception of life, but i dont think so because i know people, quite a handful too that have those..so i just sigh and move on like usual. I analyzed the other day what kind of people i usually tend to gravitate to, and i found which...and even though i wont say, its not a very good long lasting quality, or it is, but it doesnt set a good foundation...maybe thats why...ill be praying that God will work through me to change that so that i gravitate to people who i cvan have a long friendship with, even though high school is almost over...its never too late...

I think im hitting another low point, one of those depressed states again...and i dont like it...

Hairspray, Dirty Little Secret, and Nachos Bell Grande

2008-06-20T23:55:00.000-07:00

So I just got done watching Hairspray, and call me gay w/e but that movie is AWESOME!
Buuuut it got me sad
as happy as it is... it did
Because i was thinking about how happy everyone is in the movie, and i wish my life was happy all the time like that, and then i remembered something from a song..or the video of the song

In the All American Rejects' video Dirty Little Secret, where they show all the secrets on postcards, like on post secret, i remember one one there went something like

"T.V ruined my perception on life"

or something along those lines.
well its true for me
like everyone grows up that tv is like 95% lies, if not more, but even then, you can get so caught up in happy endings, exciting plot, unusual romance sequences, boy meets girl type things, and its like wow...my life sucks!
I know EVERYONE who has seen tv has thought that...like een when you were little and were watching cartoons and maybe some of u wished exciting things like that would happen to you, or even now, you wish that you would have an exciting story to tell abouit how you met the guy or girl of your dreams, and its sad to think that no matter what, you can never have the cookie-cutter-picture-perfect-ideal-exciting-goodlooking life

I mean im not like depressed that life isnt like that cause im a little bit more down to earth than than...the tips of my toes still touch the ground..but i mean its just a sad thought that you can get so caught up in a faux pas life scenario...i guess its cause subconsciencely we know that things like that never happen, or that they just wont happen to us, and thats why we get teary-eyed, or just hyped up with the adrenaline...

i also realized that nachos bell grande are amazing!!!

and damn taco bell people forgot to put sour cream on my taco supreme.....bitches!

I also think im a saddist...cause while i hear/see peoples lives fall apart, everything theyve created and like a big tyrannical dictator(who so far like 90% have) fall...i smile =]
I love to see 2 things
1. Innocence tainted(not sexually..usually, i mean like good kids gone bad)
and
2. Peoples worlds falling apart like theres no tomorrow =]

God...im going to hell
I hope not..cause im about to go like skim the bible cause i dont know if reading 2-5 passages is considered reading it...

Vanilla Latte and Nostalgia

2008-06-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

So this was an interesting day...
started off late...at 530 actually...
but umm...went to DQ where i saw Kristie Garret, good times at lunch with that chica
Then i headed to see Miss Jeanine's new car... Then was on my way to do some shopping.
Bought a couple shorts, and on my way out ran into Liz...good times with her in spanish,, we talked about what she missed on the last weeks of school, which wasnt anything going back for, except seeing me =]

ONce i left the mall, I got together with Lenore for some coffee and saw some unexpected person there...

Emily Turner, who i hadnt seen in like 3 years..woah!
was fun catching up with her, and with Lenore tehe
Afterwards.. Bonfire, and that was fun, got home late, and now im here..
but i couldnt help but think of the relationship between my dad and i.

After i couple weeks ago when i got into a huge fight with him, ive been uneasy..
i said a lot of things i didnt mean, and made him feel terrible, and secondly myself too.
but he made me see that i really do love him, that he tries really hard, and that he doesnt deserve how i treat him and where hes at, he deserves better.

I dont know how to tell him that because i cant muster the courage to tell him in person, and i think the next most personal way is maybe writing him a letter, i want to show him that i do care about him and that i do love him, otherwise i wouldnt be so uneasy...

he hasnt been the smartest person ever, but hes trying to make up for it and he gats an A+ for effort..
I feel really bad for him and wish things wouldve turned out better for him cause he deserves it... i just pray his luck turns around, and that he realizes that i do appreciate him and that despite his huge mess ups...he tries, and thats worth more than the mess ups...

Mixed Mountain Dews and Death

2008-06-16T22:49:00.000-07:00

Sooo
Good day...
B&N
Work= $30 tips
Mixed Mountain Dews & Death at a Funeral with the peeps
I hit a low point today

So it was lucky that i had a good day otherwise it wouldve been lower.
Its like everyday I notice more and more hate, and i hate it..
Like I dislike many things and say i hate them..but i dont really hate anyone or anything
Im pretty Liberal, even though i can be close minded in my liberalness.

It happened today right before work. My mom and I were eating dinner, and the news was on in the other room, well we heard something about the legalization of gay marriage in california, and my mom said "ha whats wrong with the world? how could they let gays get married? the worlds coming to an end soon with all this crap"

Now she comes from an EXTREMELY conservative family as do I, but im not at all, so its understandable when she says that..but just cause its understood doesnt mean its right. And i didnt say anything to avoid conflict and cause shes entitled to her opinion w/e but it just struck something in me, that theres people out there that without knowing some people they judge so harshly, my mom isnt the only one, in any sense but there so many wrong things about her statement like

1) Gay marriage consists of people being in love (or should be lol) just the same as straight marriage, so they shouldnt be criticizing, in fact, gay marriages tend to last longer than straight ones (statistically speaking) And if theyre happy who cares? I mean theyre not coming from house to house killing babies and burning houses, theyre just minding their own business.

2) what has the world come to? Apparently more acceptance, and whats wrong about that? Nothing! Acceptance leads to love and loving all people is what we should aim for of all sexualities, races, ethnicities, nationalities, colors, sexes, religions, etc. etc.

3) The worlds coming to an end? WTF? Yeah in theBible God is always destroying sinful places, like Earth, in Genesis or Sodom and Gomorrah also in Genesis, but because they were wicked places who never welcomed Gods Angels, or people.
And yeah Leviticus might condemn homosexuality, but it also condems eating seafood that isnt fish, and eating fat from animals (look at america), and pork, andit says to not wear clothes from 2 kinds of material,(lev. 19:18) and to not tattoo or cut the hair on the sides of ur head, do not mistreat aliens, and if u curse ur mother and father, u should be put to death, i mean theres countless of these laws and actions that are considered wrong or unclean, but why do we only look at one so severly? Isnt that picking and choosing? I bet many of you have done at least one of these, so why should only one of these people get punished severly?

Am i standing up for gay rights? Damn right I am, especially in a religious view, i may not be one, but i know whats right and wrong, and discriminating one group of people because of ones own ignorance to the interpretation of the bible,arrogance to see a more loving way, closemindedness, or personal insecurities is wrong, especially since you might believe in the Bible as the ultimate rulebook/guide to life..the treat it as such and follow ALL of it, not just whats convinient, and if u do pick and choose, thats ok...but ADMIT that you pick and choose, at least u wont be a hypocrite anymore, and you'll be more honest that half the world. Jesus preached love...to EVERYONE, that doesnt mean some people...u dont have to do what others do, but love them anyway..and discrimination is not a good way to show that... how will you look in front of Jesus in heaven when he points out this fault?

Good Luck with that if this is your case =]

p.s.
I pick and choose openly, but i stick to what i do, and ill tell you straight out

DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN!

2008-06-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

Soo I just got back from watching "Don't Mess With the Zohan". and although it was slightly disturbing at times, it was a funny movie. I never would have thought that i would learn a lesson from it....even though i knew it, its a good one..

ITs about getting along again... this time b/w nationalities... but who cares...weve all heard that story..

I'm too tired to think and write since im on 1 hour of sleep... but i will say this...

I need to be more accepting of everything...will it happen?

I dont know...

we'll see....

COMMENT!

Sudoko and Catholic Mass

2008-06-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

SO im playing sudoko and watching a catholic mass on TV...

LAME!!!

Yeah it is...but i realized something

Catholocism makes a lot of sense! Unlike my sudoko puzzle, this time, mass made sense to me. like i realized what they were saying and why.

From many things that pastor steve has said, i just found a synonomous mass to some of those things he has said.
Many ppl, me included have and do talk shit about Catholocism, but i dont think its because catholics are hated, or they follow another leader WHICH ISNT TRUE!,...well they do on religious matter but anyways... theyre just talked about because theyre misunderstood.

People see a mass and are like WTF? but if u get to the bottom of everything, it makes sense. Which is true for many spititual matters.

People believe things because the believed has a foundation, without it, it cant be believed..at least not how it was intended.

Just about everyone wants to understand the mysterious better, and just because it is a different method, be it Buddhism, Taoism, Wicca, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Pastafarianism (ok maybe not that) but whatever it is, its a way to understand the self better. Just because its different doesnt mean someone has the right to poke fun at it especially if you are ignorant of the religion! Thats just being arrogant to the fullest, and when you consider yourself a disciple of christ, its even more wrong, because the bible embraces love for EVERYONE even the pagans,(just dont do as they do =] ) But i realized that today, and it made me angry to think that i hear people do just that about many religions, even at church, funny huh? are we going back to hypocrisy?

Nah, just ignorance and arrogance..

World Religions Sunday School Class anyone?

Gah! Fathers Day Weekend!!!!!!!

2008-06-13T14:11:00.001-07:00

Soooo this has to be the worst weekend ever as far as letting people down..

Steve asked me to be a delegate at the NYI convention in chicago tomorrow...and i cant because im working....

well...not only steve im letting down, but also rachel, whos play is this weekend, and i doubt i can go today....

also fathers day weekend...and im not going to my dads....

cause i got work...

mother f-er!

Well this sucks... but ok moving on
Recently I've had a lot of time to think..which usually isn't good... but i think i've finally yielded new results.
I saw this book at barnes and noble called...well id otn remember..but the tagline was They like jesus but not the church... and i was like "Hey! that's me!"
When i was Roman Catholic i saw many faults in it...and still do, but I'm begining to see why they do the things they do, and i agree more with it..but not enough.
So i moved to 1st church of the Nazarene, and many would now call me nazarene, and i agree to not get into a lengthy discussion of what i am..
i loved it, and the services, its views, its interpretation...but the longer i went there...the more faults i saw, in their interpretations...in the structure...the people...

Well ive been thinking that belonging to a church gives u an automatic label..not only socially, but also religiously like my non-church friends will be like "so you're nazarene" and ill say yes and they'll say... "oh, so you dont dance..." excuse me!! haha have u seen me at dances?! NO ONE will tell me what i can and cant do! Especially not a church full of hypocrites.
Dont get me wrong 1st churchers, im not singling you out, but it is inevitable that EVERY church is filled with hypocrites, i dont care who you are or where u are, it just happens..

But being associated with a church primarily puts u in a position like that. "Oh you go there then why do u do this if they say no?" well im tired of being called a hypocrite JUST because of an affiliation. I'm not saying i havent been a hypocrite before, because i have and i probably will do it again, its inevitable...but not because of an affiliation..i have my own views. i go to church to learn, not to be judged...so since the world will never change that aspect...im disaffiliating myself from a religion. if someone asks what religion i am ill say "I'm not" because it's not a religion, it's a relationship.

My First

2008-06-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

My first....i guess i ur picked a better title cause this isn't about losing my virginity to anything. Well it's long time since i posted anything that I've been thinking so what better way than to blog?

So um let's get some thing straight.

I'm not going to be here to make you happy, I'm here to say what i want and what i think, giving i want to share it, so if ur bothered by it, don't read it...that's just a suggestion though...

I don't want to hear what u have to say about what i say especially if its something like "u fucking jerk i cant believe u said that" cause hey ur entitled to having a blog too and writing things about whatever u want

Well now that we've established that point, i guess ill get started for realz!!!!!

Lots o' things have been happening lately but who cares to hear those? I sure don't, but something was struck in me on June 11th 2008 (yes, yesterday, don't go looking it up). At the evening Endless Summer something cool happened. Steve invited the whole room being 1st, college, and manteno churches, to partake in communion and to take a stand and to promise, for lack of a better word, to have everyones backs in the room, and to be leaders in the community and to do some other crap in the long run...it kinda got lost after a while, i think it was something like be with each other be one (gods church) not 3 seperate churches and to tell ur friends about jesus and to not run away from God he wants to help..the usual stuff.

Dont get me wrong, i loved the message, it was good, as steves usually are..but i think if we looked closer...

the saying goes, something like... dont hurt the messenger...well of course not, but how about the receivers?

The receivers of that nights message were all frauds..no thats unfair...many of them were. We know it, why even try to deny it? i saw but 2 people stay seated, kudos 2 people!! Had i the courage they had, i would too have seated and not stood up to be a "leader" like the rest. I did it cause everyone else was doing it and i didnt want to look dumb sitting, wrong reason? yes but i acknowledge it.

I am nowhere to being a leader and most of the ones who stood, especailly the ones so quick to stand arent. Hypocrites!!! like i love talking of hypocrisy its one of my favorite hobbies, ask my friends =]

Its amazing that those who tlak about change and those who "embrace it" and are leaders by god are the ones least qualified and whos right by no means to to stand up before the message is done. Months have passed when those people talk and talk and talk and talk and talk....you get the picture...it doesnt change...action past talking never occurs.

I know im not the perfect christian nor do i claim to be, on the contrary, i claim to pick and choose what i feel convinient from the bible, just like everyone else, except i admit it, which is unlike eveyone else. My religious views will come later...but when someone always holds the bible to be true, and when it bites them in the ass, they say they dont care or whatever not this time... what shit is that? dont claim the bible is your forever permanent strong foundation when u drag along a mobile home, doesnt work that way.

I know its hard not to be hypocritical sometimes..but when the fault is pointed out admit it, or you'll be worse off.

Many of those people who stood up were hypocrites, and im sorry steve, all those people wont be leaders they did it cause the person next to them did, maybe if someone had let the first group go on and wouldve been on that group's side they all would've been honest...but hey...God has a plan for everything right?

=] Hypocrisy!!! woot woot!!!