Get Smart, I-55, Woodfield, and McChickens

Hmmm...
Busy day... here's a quick rerun of my day..not that it matters
Sleep till 1
Get ready
woodfield mall till 7
my cousins house
see Get Smart with her
get home at 130am
here now

Fuuun day...but its always these days that make me sadder than most.
Probably since i went to the mall
I LOVE the mall...not northfield, but bigger better ones...there's just one thing
Ive always had a thin with self-image, and i know it sounds lame, cliche, and unimportant, and to a certain extent, there is waaaaaaaaaay more important things to worry about, and i do worry about other things a lot more, but it doesnt change the fact that i dont like the way i look.
amongst other things i cant write here for fear of ppl finding out, (thanks abby for the journal) there this thing with me where even though i know clothes dont define your personality, or how u act/are/feel/ etc. they say a lot about a person.
like, whether you take care of yourself or not, whether you have taste, if you are approachable or not, what you like, what kind of music you are into, it says a lot of things, so for me its very difficult because i have a hard time with the things behind those meanings like, i dont care who you are, chances are your clothes will suggest what social group you are in, and that being said...i dont exactly belong to a specific group
like at church i have a group, at school another, during the summer a few, then theres my cousins, and like theres a few, but ive never felt like i trully belonged in any of them. i think its sad like in every single group im in i get in and i may seem comfortable, and i'll love the people to death, dont get me wrong, but i still never feel complete...and i think thats because i have a hard time keeping friendships..like sort of
like ill have friends for a long time..and they usually just fade away, and its sad, and it happens over and over and over again, and i mean im used to it, but it kinda sucks because i dont exactly have some of the memories that others have, and i dont know how i got from clothes to this point but ill keep going... and like people who have been friends since like first grade, or even like middle school, ive never really had that because ive always moved around and its kinda sad to me...because i wish i had. Maybe its the tv thing tainting my perception of life, but i dont think so because i know people, quite a handful too that have those..so i just sigh and move on like usual. I analyzed the other day what kind of people i usually tend to gravitate to, and i found which...and even though i wont say, its not a very good long lasting quality, or it is, but it doesnt set a good foundation...maybe thats why...ill be praying that God will work through me to change that so that i gravitate to people who i cvan have a long friendship with, even though high school is almost over...its never too late...

I think im hitting another low point, one of those depressed states again...and i dont like it...